Still, if you “Fast/Furious” fanatics keep propping up that franchise, who knows? Diesel’s got to do something between Dodge Charger commercials. So even though there’s a “Witch Hunter 2” in development, don’t count on it. This abortion of a thriller fails, utterly, and bombed completely. Would Eisner have a career without that magic surname? Probably not. Yeah, it took a trio of writers (with “Dracula Untold” among their credits) to deliver that zinger.īreck Eisner (“The Crazies”) serves up a blur of dark and apocalyptic effects and parks the wooden Diesel right in front of them. This is the sort of paycheck piffle that will keep Caine from gaining an Oscar nomination for “Youth.” Leslie probably wishes she was back on “Thrones,” stripped or unstripped. “I’ve waited my whole life for the opportunity to help you!” That comes from a good witch, Chloe (Rose Leslie of “Game of Thrones”), a sidekick (Elijah Wood) and a Catholic sage wise in the ways of witches, who also narrates the film (Michael Caine). Kaulder’s going to need help bringing her down. Their special effects-augmented queen ( Julie Engelbrecht) wants to bring on the witchworld apocalypse - aka “The Black Death.”

Kaulder has been made immortal, like his quarry, the world’s witches. I had no idea Aston Martin had been in production that long, but no matter. “Eight hundred years, I’ve been on this road. Which is why his character, Kaulder, has an Aston Martin Rapide in “Witch Hunter.” The posing, growling Diesel has no career without a cool car beside him. That goes for the hilariously, obscenely overrated “Furious 7,” which blew up the box office, and which delayed this “Witch Hunter” dog from reaching theaters.

Most of those movies are empty junkfood, at best, a marketing exercise in cross-cultural casting and automotive product placement. Would it have been made without Vin Diesel? And would Vin Diesel still have a career if the “Fast and Furious” franchise earned the sort of returns it so richly deserves? The less said about the flop “The Last Witch Hunter,” the better.īut consider this.

The last witch hunter movie 2